...and I can't sleep. Unfortunately, in recent weeks this is quite usual. I think it's something to do with my resisting the whole "new year new me" pressures, yet deep down quite wanting to be a "new me" and scared that I may never achieve it. But that's another story, and anyway I've just bought a book on meditation which I hope will help clear out my cluttered mind, once I actually get around to reading it.
In the meantime I've got 'How to Look Good Naked' on in the background as I type this. What a strange programme that is. Gok Wan seems like a nice man, and his enthusiasm seems genuine. It's just...I can't quite believe his victims actually agree to his methods, which are the same in every episode. The victims always look shocked as they're told that the culmination of their new 'makeover programme' is that they will have to walk down a makeshift catwalk in a High Street shopping centre totally starkers. Yeah, because that isn't what happens EVERY WEEK is it? I'm not sure if it's quite the secret garden of feminine empowerment Gok thinks it is (though it actually might be; I must confess to never having tried it myself, but then I'm not sure Southend Victoria Shopping Centre is the right place to go starkers. The setup is all wrong; the catwalk would have to be set up next to the 'Coffee World' outlet and I'd probably get sued for losing them business).
To start with, a picture of the victim in their mumsy, greying undies is blown up to 50,000% and then put up on a billboard, after which random members of the public are grabbed and strongarmed into saying how beautiful the victim looks, which in these gloomy, wobbly photos they never do. Sorry, but 'beautiful' is a word that must be used sparingly and truthfully in order for it to actually mean anything. It must not be bandied about on E4 just to boost Gok's public appeal and salary.
After the victim has been told just how gorgeous she is, Gok then suggests some new clothing choices, nine times out of ten including Spanx 'control underwear' - surely the truly beautiful people don't need to wrestle with a Lilliputian Tubigrip in order to achieve the holy grail of style and sophistication? I'm wrong - apparently they do. And they do it without protest, which is admirable or stupid depending on your point of view.
The Spanx is then abandoned, together with all clothing, as the victim is sent off for a 'naked photoshoot'. They have their hair and make-up done, and everything. But again, I can't quite see the appeal of stripping off in a draughty house, to be photographed in the buff by an all-male crew. (Maybe it's another one to try sometime!)
Which all leads to...the catwalk moment, in front of a baying crowd, some of which contain the victim's closest friends and family. Maybe just me, but my closest friends and family are probably the people I least want to see me parading naked on a High Street catwalk. Complete strangers are guaranteed never to mention it again, ever.
(There's another episode on in a minute. I'm going to give it a go)
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