My Pet Hates

I love the title of this blog post; it's simple and straightforward, like something a child would write (like 'What I Did in My Holidays' - and on that note, why did we have to keep writing about that in school?  It's embarrassing for some kids whose parents dragged them to Pontins Camber Sands while their counterparts gallivanted off to Disneyworld Florida - the creaky old Crocodile Club can't really compare to the Magic Kingdom, can it?  Not unless you get really creative, anyway, like writing that the Pontins Crocodile Club actually housed real live crocodiles and you came back from holiday minus your baby sister. But the teachers tend to frown on that sort of stuff).

The 'comedy genius' Karl Pilkington famously said that "we love a good moan in this country", and that's what I'm going to do today.  What with it being Monday as well...what better day to have a good old moan about things I don't like?  So here are my top pet hates.  Consider them as the things I'd put into Room 101, if you will.

1.  People who whistle
I feel bad about this one, because it's mainly jolly, harmless old men who whistle jaunty tunes in the High Street, but something about the sound of it just sets my teeth on edge.  A bit like nails going down a blackboard for some people, maybe (though that sound has never bothered me).

2. People who don't like vegetarians just because...they're vegetarians
I know, I've banged on about this one before.  Many, many, many times before.  But it just irks me, I'm afraid.  It was a bit compounded yesterday when I watched an episode of 'Come Dine With Me' (nothing else was on) and the first contestant was a bullish man in a comedy shirt that barely covered his belly, who didn't "see the point of trying with vegetarians".  Which leads me on to...

3. People who feel the need to declare "With me, what you see is what you get!  I say things to people's faces and I don't care if they like it or not, because that's just me!"
This is the main reason I stopped watching 'The Jeremy Kyle Show' (not my finest hour, but it did become a bit of a guilty pleasure for a while.  I even appeared on it once...in the audience, I might add!)  But people spout crap like this all the time, all the while looking pleased with themselves.  Why is it considered a good thing in any way to bleat at people "to their face" every single thought you have?  It's unbelievably arrogant to think that whatever you have to say is worth hearing all the time; not to mention tactless and...well, just a bit thick, to be honest.  But don't mind me.  I'm just saying what I think.


4. People who refer to their pets as their children, by referring to themselves as "Mummy and Daddy"
This should actually be Number One, it annoys me so much.  My best friend knows this and as such continually refers to herself as "Mummy" whenever she mentions her dog.  Even though I know she's only doing it to wind me up, I STILL get irritated.  For God's sake, get a life!!  Or have kids, which is probably what you should actually be doing once you've started identifying yourself as a genuine parent of a canary.

5. People who let their kids run amok and pretend not to notice
A friend and I took her child and a friend to the cinema the other week.  OK, so it was a kids' film, but sitting behind us there was a family who seemed perfectly content to let their three year-old run along the aisle and peer into the gaps between the seats, breathing heavily and putting his sticky sweet-covered fingers all over the arms of the seats we were sitting in.  My friend occasionally looked at him and gave him a little smile.  "Don't encourage him!" I whisper-hissed at her; lovely, maternal person that I am.  And I wasn't even enjoying the film.  Eventually, two-thirds of the way through the film this kid's yelping and running about actually seemed to get to the parents as well, as he was heaved up and carried out of the cinema by his Dad, screaming loudly (the kid, not his Dad).  It does somewhat beg the question: WHY take a three year-old to the cinema in the first place?  But then, I'm not a Mum - to a cat, dog, bird or a genuine child, so I wouldn't know.

(I've just looked back and seen that all of my 'Room 101' things begin with 'People who...'  Oh dear! - perhaps I should just change it to 'People' and save time).

(I'm not THAT much of a misanthrope, honest!  I just have, errr...high standards.  Yes, that's it).