Why...

• ...am I such a pedant?  Not just a normal pedant, but the sort of pedant who will actually mull over incorrect uses of the English language and why they must have occurred to what must surely be an unhealthy degree.  Cases in point: a fitness DVD I bought a little while back, which on the 'Health Warnings' spiel at the beginning, stated "participants must consult they're doctor if unsure about exercising for the first time..." and the back cover of a DVD copy of 'Looking for Eric', which starts describing the plot as "Eric...a postman who's life is slipping through his fingers"  I mean...honestly, what is the world coming to?  Is it compulsory for you to fail a basic English test before you're employed to write copy for DVDs?  Is it?!!  I'm ashamed to say these basic errors slightly ruined my enjoyment of both DVDs, just like when I can't help thinking ever-so-slightly less of somebody who can't spell or use basic grammar, regardless of how nice and wise and knowledgeable they may be.  Perhaps it's a good thing for me that mental arithmetic isn't such a visible skill, because there are surely people out there who'd think a LOT less of me once they'd watched me furrow my brow trying to calculate 15 plus 12 in my head.

• ...do I find some "gangsta-rappers" so funny?  I was flicking through the music channels the other day, and happened upon a 50 Cent video.  But as he was rambling on about how he's such a "motherfucking P.I.M.P" all I could think was "awwww...look how cute he is, in that pair of inside-out pants stretched over the top of his head...and is that his Mummy's necklace?  Bless".  I can't take Timbaland seriously either, because his face is far too cheeky for rap.  Some people just have the wrong looks for their chosen professions, that's all.  Kevin Spacey can play twisted hard-men all he likes, but he still has the sort of face you want to tickle under the chin with a feather.  Or is that just me?

• ...can't I concentrate on any one thing at a time without obsessively thinking about all the other things I could be doing instead?  There's an episode of 'Frasier' that sums this up for me...after being made redundant from the radio station,  Frasier decides he's going to master the Russian language, write a novel and run a marathon...none of which he ever actually does, because he's got too many goals, and they're all clashing and fragmented.  As are mine.  But I'll bet there are people out there who could do three things like that all at the same time.  If only I had the self-discipline to be one of them!

• ...do I insist on persevering with boring books?  I'm the sort of person who, once I start reading a book, will continue on to the bitter end, even if the read itself is like pulling teeth.  The one I'm reading now, A.S. Byatt's 'The Virgin in the Garden' is one I keep on pondering whether or not to leave, especially when I have the latest Chris Brookmyre and Douglas Kennedy books winking seductively at me from the bookshelf.  But I won't abandon it, even though it appears to have been written for someone approximately twenty million times more learned and intelligent than I am, and it makes me feel unfeasibly stupid.  But hey - it's part of a trilogy, so something tells me there'll be pages more torture to come before I'll allow myself to read something I actually like!