Sunday, 1 May 2011

Random thoughts of the week

One of the themes of my next, as yet unwritten but so far temptingly researched (and no doubt unpublished and left drifting in the wisps of time) novel, will be the dawning realisation that there are some aspects of your personality that crystallise with time without you noticing - and by the time you do, it's far too late for you to do anything about them.  You're just there, trapped in life with this basic self-blueprint that you realise can't ever really be changed, so you must choose to live with it or spend the rest of your life hating yourself for it.  

This realisation first dawned on me when I was chatting to an elderly relative a few years ago.  It surprised me how insecure she still was about certain things.  You just don't think of older people as having fears or basic insecurities such as what people will think about the way you look; when I was younger I just thought older people had everything sorted, and that if I just sat tight and waited for life to take its course, then that would be me one day.  I just assumed that things like my intense fear of flying, or the fact that I can never watch horror films without them somehow infiltrating my dreams for nights afterwards, would evaporate with age and I'd emerge from the swirling remnants of youth as a more confident and fearless version of myself.  It never occurred to me that I'd just basically be me, but with added wrinkles and a dowager's hump.  It's a bloody scary prospect.  

Shall I move on to a bit less depressing 'random thought of the week' now?  Right...

...I was chatting to a friend this week about people in the public eye who we thought would make good friends.  But after much deliberation I was only really sure about the ones I wouldn't want to spend time with, which I narrowed down to a 'terror triumvirate' consisting of Liz Hurley, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Phil Tufnell.  Ms. Hurley because I read an interview with her in which she just seemed desperately dull and recommended that "for a treat, count out six dried apricots and two dried almonds".  Even assuming she meant for you to actually eat them after you'd counted them out, if you don't eat cheese or chocolate in copious amounts, you're no friend of mine (sorry, Liz).

Catherine Zeta-Jones just seems to me like she'd be a complete cow in real life.  I don't really know why I think this, and I know it's probably very unfair (!) - but she just irritates me on a complete 'Alpha Girl' level.  If we'd been at school together, she'd have bullied me.  I just know it.  

As for 'Tuffers', his Sun-inspired nickname alone makes me cringe.  I get the impression he'd just be a total cricket-and-other-boring-sports-bore and you just know in twenty years' time he'll still be exactly the same, propping up the bar and commentating on the pub's darts league matches to men in stretched T-shirts barely covering hairy beer bellies.  Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, you understand.  It's just...well, it's just not my cup of tea for a nice evening out, really.

So there you go (!)  For posterity, my friend picked Barbra Streisand (something about her that just seems a bit 'iffy') and Prince Charles because he never looks as though he really listens.  It's a great game, and I heartily recommend it.

Another 'random thought' of the week; I went to the cinema today (to see 'Limitless' if you're interested, and no I wouldn't recommend it) and it seems the classification people have gone a bit mad in their descriptions of the films' 'naughty bits'.  Before we had to rely on certificates, but now none of the gory details are spared.  'Contains strong bloody violence!'  'Contains mild peril and one use of strong language!' 'Contains mild slapstick and comic peril!'  Basically they all sound like a hysterical mother gossiping over the garden fence about how the world's gone mad.  But I'd love to have that job; it'd be great watching all the films with a little notebook, tutting and shaking my head as I counted up how many "uses of strong language" occurred.  Perhaps it's something useful I could have done when I was working as a cinema usherette at the age of eighteen, decked out in a uniform three sizes too big and forced to watch four daily showings of 'Judge Dredd' and 'Power Rangers - The Movie' in the dark whilst simultaneously checking that nobody had their feet on the seats.

Ahem.  Like I say, just a few 'random thoughts of the week'.  More to follow shortly.




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