Right then, so which of the new Apprentices looks like a 'Just For Men'-ned Piers Morgan as reflected in the back of a spoon?

I love The Apprentice.  But strictly as an entertainment programme; there's no way you could watch it for good advice on running a business, or getting into business.  In fact the programme invents new rules for being 'business-like' that make it seem as though it's in an alternative, Doctor Who-style dimension populated by large-mouthed aliens in badly fitting pinstripe.  I've worked for a few companies in my time (though admittedly not at the top) and nowhere has it ever been accepted that saying "I'm cold and hard!  I don't eat or sleep or have any kind of social life.  I just work!" or my favourite one of this series so far "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon!" (!!) are actually Good Things To Say To Make You Come Across Well In Business Or Life In General.

But then, the person they have to impress is business velociraptor Alan 'Lord' Sugar, who recently advised people "not to hire women of childbearing age because you never know if they'll go off on maternity leave".  Charming.  Even though these women probably had a lucky escape because Amstrad haven't made anything good since...erm...well, we'll leave that one for now.  Lord Sugar has gone on to become one of those people on the telly who tells us what they think about everything without actually being very relevant any more.  He's even had an eye-job and lost a bit of weight, bless him.  I'm convinced we're going to see him judging next year's 'Britain's Got Talent'.  Or performing on it.

As a recruitment professional of sorts, the semantics of The Apprentice really do make me cringe.  I'm sure it's been responsible for the increasing number of people I've interviewed for reception-level jobs who stride bolshily into the room announcing that they're going to be Managing Director in roughly five seconds' time.  If you're going for a job interview, just be vaguely likeable and show you can do the job without pissing anyone off.  That's really all you need to do, but then I suppose that doesn't make very good telly.

Another thing I like to do when I'm watching 'The Apprentice', just like when I have to go to boring business networking meetings, is try to determine which famous people everyone looks like.  So far nothing has yet topped a meeting I went to in which I identified three exceptional lookalikes: Matt Lucas, Phil Tufnell and a natty combination of Will Young and Kevin Spacey.  But there are some potentials in this crop of Apprentices.  "Michael Sheen!  That one looks like Michael Sheen, if he was starring in a Mr. Muscle advert" I said excitedly to my husband while we were watching last night's episode.  He didn't look impressed with my observational skills, so I kept the rest of them to myself: Piers Morgan 20 years younger with a full head of 'Just For Men', an orange Mackenzie Crook, a rough-skinned cross between Pat Butcher and Jo from S Club 7 and an Irish Jimmy Nail with an exceptionally small mouth.

Great business-related fun.