This morning I looked out of the window and noticed a tall, ramrod man with a combover and a gait like that of Allo Allo's Herr Flick, pushing a leaflet through the letterbox. After performing this task, he jogged back up the pathway as if mortally afraid of the information he'd just imparted. I watched him as he attacked a few more houses, to which his approach was the same; a tentative shuffle up to the letterbox, quickly shoving through a piece of white paper, then jogging back again.
I went to collect the leaflet, which was a propaganda piece introducing a new political party (I won't name it here out of general fairness) which featured a picture of a young couple with gaffa tape stuck over their mouths. "NO VOICE!" spluttered the leaflet ominously.
"The Establishment HATE the English - we are despised and forgotton" it continued. Which I must admit isn't a good start, really - I mean if you're going to complain all about how the English are hated in their own country and how you're going to save us all then surely it would be good to tell us about it in articulate sentences without any spelling mistakes?
The leaflet then rambled on about what its party would do once elected. "Abolish political correctness!" "Leave the European Union!" "No illegal immigrants!" "Council-funded St. George's Day celebrations!"
Like most people with a working brain, I'm happy to listen to any argument that has fact and reason to back it up. I might even be prepared to change my views on the back of an intelligent argument made by somebody who knows what they're talking about. But "Abolish political correctness!" isn't one of them. In fact there was no definition of what "political correctness" even meant, just an assumption that we've all read enough copies of the Daily Mail to know it's all "gone mad" and must be stopped at all costs.
Out of morbid curiosity I looked at the party's website, predictably decorated in red and white; and presumably unaware of the utter irony that it's political parties like these that go a long way towards 'normal' people feeling a bit embarrassed about displaying an England flag anywhere, lest people think they're a) a football hooligan, b) a member of the BNP, or c) a white van driver.
Yet determined to be fair, I decided to have a look at the full manifesto they'd posted on their website, just to see if lurking behind all the nationalist screeching, this new party really did have some ideas or arguments worth listening to. "We will abolish all political correctness in all its forms" went the first chapter, again with no actual definition of what they meant. It made me angry, that somebody had written that and considered it a valid policy statement. Not just because it's vague and unworkable, but also because "political correctness", for all its faults, at least has its roots in genuine compassion and consideration regarding how we treat each-other. It's like the Richard Littlejohn vendetta against what he calls "'elf and safety"...not perfect by any means, but its very existence shows a basic concern for people's welfare. Isn't that a good thing; don't these things confirm in some small way the fact that we're not barbarians? I don't want to live in a world where "political correctness" is abolished, thanks. Next.
I'm always intrigued by people who go on about "celebrating St. George's Day" and how not enough people do it. Such people always carry on as though we've been banned from celebrating it, when we're all free to celebrate it as much as we want. It's just...in reality the reason is far more likely to be that it's not much fun. "People in England celebrate St. Patrick's Day more than they do St. George's Day!" the website shrills. Well of course they do. Because the St. Patrick's Day celebration amounts to no more than wearing a silly hat, singing and getting drunk. Not sitting in a dusty room being forced to sing the National Anthem and getting offered weak tea by someone with a curtain rod (Made in England (TM)) stuck up their backside.
(I always think of the irony in being asked to celebrate St. George anyway - a saint reportedly born in Syria and who had never even been to England as far as we know).
But that's the thing with all these nationalist-styled political parties. There's no humility; no sense of humour or genuine humanity in anything they spout on about. And for the most part they don't even know what it is they're actually trying to defend. Reading on, the manifesto promised to provide a definition of what 'English' really meant, for the edification of its readers. This enlightening definition read as follows:
"The English can be defined in the same way that other nations are defined"
Thanks for that. See you at the ballot box.
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