Have Your Say Below!

One of my very guiltiest pleasures; one of the things I like best to do with a cup of coffee and a computer, is perusing the 'online comments and reviews' sections of newspapers, Trip Advisor, Amazon and the like.  All walks of life can be found there.  In fact it has been known for me to write entire short stories based on an outraged comment someone made about a sugar paste flower making kit, or on an embittered list of all the reasons why Jennifer Aniston shouldn't have worn a leather minidress to the premiere of her latest film (yes, that one did come from the Daily Mail).

People really will bang on about anything online.  I particularly love those Amazon or Trip Advisor reviews where the commenter is a) unreasonably angry and b) goes on in disproportionate detail about whatever it was that angered them, like a snotty receptionist or unreliable delivery times.  My eagerness to read these comments reminds me of a Charlie Brooker column I read once, in which he explained how obsessed he became in seeking out work by terrible journalists (in particular Joe Mott from The Sun).  If I'm reading something online and there's a 'Have Your Say!' bit underneath, I'll generally always read the comments.  Sometimes I won't even bother with the article.

It's also fun (read: mildly entertaining) to spot the same old comments that come up time and time again; apparently the best way to describe a good breakfast on Trip Advisor is to say "it sets you up for the day!" as though a rubber doorstop slathered in blackcurrant jam wouldn't do the same job.  When describing a mid-range hotel it's seemingly mandatory to say something like "it wasn't the Ritz, but then you get what you pay for".

Those same old comments appear time and time again because we're all quite a predictable bunch, really.  Nowhere is this more prevalent than on online dating profiles, another previous 'slight obsession' of mine (and a hypocritical one at that, seeing as I would never subject myself to that kind of online scrutiny, even if I'd been single for a hundred years.  Mind you, if I had been single for a hundred years then I doubt Match.com would be enough to save me anyway.  I wouldn't bother including a 'recent photo' either).  The most boring, and also the most ubiquitous, statement people put on their profiles was "I'm looking for someone I can cuddle up with on the sofa, with a bottle of wine and a DVD"  That's the apparent Holy Grail of relationships, right there.  Bit depressing really, isn't it?  Although I suppose it depends on the year and vineyard of the wine, and what DVD in particular.  But no-one ever goes on to mention those details.

No - what I'd really like to see on dating sites is a 'Have Your Say Below!' section under each profile, on which people who have previously gone on dates or had a long-term relationship with that person can comment on their experiences.  Or if you were short on time, maybe a little 'survey' bit where you could just tick whether you'd recommend them to a friend, whether you'd consider going out with them again and indicate if they were good value for money.  And of course there'd have to be a bit where you could 'Submit your own photos!' as well.

I'll suggest it to Match.com and see what happens.