OK, so I've painted a slightly dramatic scenario there. But editing is tough. Especially when you get into the pattern I've somehow got myself into, which is editing and re-editing the same piece of writing over and over...and over again and then you just keep staring through it in a hazy sort of trance because you've forgotten what you were trying to say with this piece of writing in the first place. It amazes me that anybody ever publishes anything, let alone anything of any actual worth.
And so I thought it might help if I were to spend a bit of frivolous time compiling a little list of my favourite authors through the years and what I love about their work, in the hope that that might inspire me ever onwards. Well...it'll either do that or it'll make me cry with despair in my realisation that I'll never be as good as them. But it's a gamble I'm prepared to try, so here goes.
Enid Blyton
To be fair, there probably were authors before Enid that I enjoyed (one of my first memories is of utter happiness at my Dad coming home with the complete set of 'Mr. Men' books for me) - but Enid's 'Wishing Chair Collection' was, as I think I may have mentioned before, the first book that made me want to write, too.
I found looking back on Enid Blyton's books as an adult an interesting experience, though, because there's a strange sort of coldness to the narrative that actually shouldn't appeal to children. I'm certain it wouldn't appeal to children now, even though the books have been repackaged (NOW with NO sexism and racism!) for today's younger generation. But there is still more imagination and creativity in one Enid Blyton story than there is in the entire Harry Potter series. So I think I got the better deal as a kid, really.
Oscar Wilde
I wonder if kids still have to read Oscar Wilde's children's stories in school. I hope they do. They stick with you; they teach more life lessons than anything parents will ever have to say (or was that just my parents?!) I remember reading 'The Happy Prince' at school and feeling quite terrified by its emotional intensity. I'd never read anything quite like it before. I wanted more, so I asked for a book of Oscar Wilde's stories for Christmas. I still re-read them now every so often, and they're still as magical and gentle and cruel and unique as they were the first time round.
David Nobbs
I discovered 'A Bit of A Do' aged twelve, and it will always have a very special place in my book-reading heart ("brazen it out - show a bit of style" is still my favourite inspirational quote!) I used to read it, and the follow-up 'Fair Do's' in the school canteen (where I found that reading a book by someone with the surname 'Nobbs' wasn't the best idea if I didn't want attention). In these books, and indeed in every single David Nobbs book I've ever read, are the most remarkable characters; remarkable because they are utterly, utterly human and in many ways they should be uninteresting but somehow they aren't. His characters sing heartily from the page. His characters are his books. I can't think of anybody other than David Nobbs who could write a book like 'Sex and Other Changes', about a married couple who both go through a sex change, and make the narrative so heartbreakingly funny and gentle, and the characters so real and honest that you forget how absurd the storyline is; you actually finish the story thinking it isn't absurd at all, it's just a human story like any other.
Christopher Brookmyre
I found 'Not the End of the World' by chance when I was around twenty-two and shopping in Waterstone's; it had a quirky, bright cover and I thought I'd give it a go. So I read that, and then I bought Brookmyre's entire back catalogue, devoured them all in the space of about a month and now, every year I check to see when his new one's coming out so I can make sure I get hold of it as soon as possible. His books are amazingly sharp, satirical, funny, clever and constantly surprising, and with some of the best and most vivid character descriptions ever (including one of my favourites - "his face seemed to be permanently saying 'I'll be back in a minute'"). Each new book of his is a discovery - you really don't know what you're going to get; straight 'crime' like his latest one, or a depraved sick blood-fest like 'One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night' which also includes pages of the best Scots dialogue ever written - if you're reading the book you must read it aloud! (maybe it's the Scottish side of me that appreciates that, but maybe it's just because it's so brilliantly written).
Douglas Kennedy
I was browsing through Waterstone's again; this time I was in an unhappy mood and the title 'The Pursuit of Happiness' jumped out at me, so I bought it. What followed, ironically, was an atmospheric and heartfelt story that made me cry buckets of sad tears. Douglas Kennedy's books always manage that; he goes shamelessly (and sometimes soap-operatically but in a strange way I quite like it) into the depths of his characters and their situations which makes for totally addictive reads. His books feel like crack-cocaine in that sense; not always good for you but they'll take you on an exhausting emotional roller-coaster ride that feels quite unique from anything else you try.
Geoff Dyer
Something about Geoff Dyer's writing speaks to the empty space in my heart. It doesn't fill it...it just speaks to it; it empathises with it. Does that sound pretentious? Probably. But it's the best way I can think of to describe what I get from his writing. I first read Geoff Dyer a few years ago when I saw an article he'd written for The Times on not wanting kids. The article mirrored everything I had ever thought myself but had never been able to articulate properly. I was hooked - and I sought out more of his writing immediately. His essay on being an only child manages to be both heartbreaking and heartfelt at the same time. I'm completely in awe of how he manages to describe the most complex emotions, and his fictional characters have a strange sort of depth imbued within them that I can only aspire to ever creating myself.
Leo Tolstoy
OK, so again I'll worry about sounding pretentious when I say Tolstoy is one of my favourite and most inspirational authors, but it's true. I don't know if it's because of the Russian translation; the Russian language being more functional and less descriptive than English means that the most complex situations must be described with amazing simplicity. For this, though the books themselves are long they are also surprisingly easy reads I'd recommend to anybody (people say they don't have time to read Tolstoy but they've got time to flick through magazines - it takes about the same amount of time to read just one chapter of 'War and Peace' and if you do that every day you'll be finished before you know it!) There are lines of Tolstoy's writing I'll never forget. Almost everything about his books are relatable now, because again, they're just about people. But the way he describes them touches your soul like nothing else. His books are, for me, more than just a simple reading experience.
God, I could go on!! And I probably will, in another post sometime. I think on the whole that I actually have found this exercise inspirational, though I don't expect anybody actually reading this will (this is why I don't publicise this blog or actually ask or invite people to read it!) In fact if you are still reading this now, why?! It's been wonderful catharsis for me, though. So I'll be off now, to continue the futile editing hell.
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